I'm 30, and I Have My Game Face On

Today, I turned 30. Like most birthdays, it was just a typical day for me. I got up, checked my email, showered, got dressed, went to work, etc. But for once, I have this First Day of the Rest of Your Life feeling. It feels pretty damn good, actually.

I know that when you turn 30, you're supposed to freak out. You're supposed to get depressed, and think about where your life went wrong, and what the hell you are doing. It's 30. You're an adult with 12 years of experience, and what have you accomplished? How many of those years did you waste? How many ships have sailed for you, and are you gonna get stuck now?

Well that's all horseshit to me.

I get the impulse, believe me, but this isn't some new revelation. There isn't a day that goes by when I don't have the thought, at least once, "What are you doing with your life?"

But I've learned to fight this now, and the way I do that these days is to add the word "today" at the end. It totally changes the way you look at the question.

What are you doing with your life today?

Americans take goals a little to seriously. We think that when make it from point A to point B in life, that we'll finally arrive at happiness. But it never quite works out that way, does it?

I've gotten to some pretty badass Point B's already. I've lived on my own in three states. I've made a film that was seen in a packed theater of 1,200 people. I met a guy that got over a million people to vote for him to be president. I'm running the show at the 7-11 I work at, and I now have fans who read my stuff online that I've never met in my life.

And I've made a handful of friends along the way who are still willing to put up with my crap after so many years. That might be the best Point B of all. Making a true friend. It's really hard.

Finding someone that gives you the time of day, and actually believes in you. I've spent so much emotional energy over the years on people who just didn't give two shits about me, and spent so much time trying to be all things to all people, but never being true to who I was.

I may say things now and do things that others don't like, but now I'm ok with that. As long as I say what's in my heart and on my mind, and I actively listen and engage with others, and I have a willingness to be wrong, I will continue to find these friends in the most unlikely of places. That is why my friends are so wonderfully diverse.

And I love you all. Those of you who actually follow me and the crazy things I write about, you mean the world to me. I'm doing it because I'm passionate, but you are the reason I believe that the things I write can actually matter to others.

I'm writing this because today is a milestone. It's a very non-special day, but the first thing I'm doing after the sun sets tonight is having a drink. I'm going to drink to the best years of my life, which are yet to come.

How To Be A Boss While Losing (Or, What I Learned Watching The Colorado Rockies Play Baseball)

I haven't posted much in a while because I prioritized other things. Not that I really needed to. Writing should be a priority for me. But if this year has had a theme so far, I know what it is.

If you're going to lose, at least have fun with it.

I have a lot to be grateful for. I'm no longer at the movie theater, so that's a plus. I won't go into it, but yeah. That's a plus. Trust me.

Around the same time I left, I was asked to take on more responsibility at 7-11. Turns out 8 years of experience doing something that was supposed to just be getting me through college has actually started paying dividends of its own. I don't exactly have a corner office with a view, but I am calling the shots now in more ways than one.

And I don't really care that it's 7-11 anymore. I'm now being introduced by the owner to new hires as the manager. How cool is that? And corporate bigwigs now step aside and let me try things. Sometimes, they don't like what I do, but I'm so good at it now that I know how to give them a hard time and not only get away with it, but I get props for it. The thing of it is I've always been good with numbers, and now I know how to use them get corporate to back off and let me do my thing.

It turns out that I'm really good at retail. Like, really good. I know what looks good, and I know how to grow every category in the store. I know how to make a typically dull service industry job fun, and I can do that for my staff, too.

I say all of that to say something else: this "be happy with who you are and where you're at" mentality is totally changing my life.

Maybe that's why I loved watching the Rockies lose on Thursday.

I mean, if going to see the Rockies was the objective of a video game called "Watching the Rockies Play Baseball," I'd say we dominated the crap out of that game. We made it, we watched it, and we owned it.

Maybe it's true that we were late in part because we drove to the wrong stadium, but if we were playing the "Watching the Broncos Play Football" video game, we would have kicked ass at that game too. I'm just saying.

Maybe we're just first?

But I don't have to go inside Mile High Stadium to know that Coors Field is way cooler. I mean, when you leave Coors Field, you're tripping over downtown. It's, like, right there.

Oh, hey. There's all this stuff, too.

Also, there's a lot of history, even though it is only about twenty years old. It has a reputation for being the place to play offensive baseball because of the lack of air resistance at this altitude. A ball hit 400 feet at sea level in Yankee Stadium would actually travel 40 ft farther at Coors Field. Fast balls would also be faster, and on windy days, the wind plays an even bigger role.

It's also built on a dinosaur graveyard. They dug up so many dino fossils while building it that they decided to make the mascot a triceratops named Dinger. I know, I know. I hope you've been sitting down, because I'm throwing a whole lot of awesome at you.

Perhaps I'm romanticizing it. That happens when you're, well, a romantic. But I'm telling you: the place is awesome.

My friend - we'll call him DJ Plato, because truth - felt the same way. When we showed up, we went to the wrong entrance and asked the lady doing security, "where do we get tickets?" And this is how she responded:

"Tickets? Oh my." Then she looked down at about six tickets sitting in front of her. She rifled through them, then licked her lips while thinking of what to say. Then she said, "Ah, yes. You're going to want to go around this way." She looked like she'd never gotten that question before. I don't know what magical knowledge was hidden in those ticket that helped her find the answer, but I'd say she handled the situation like a boss.

The ticket lady blew me away, though. She's the best ticket-seller-person I've ever met in my entire life. So helpful and sweet and genuinely concerned with whether I am about to have a good time. She even told us that our tickets were good for $6 towards food and beverage, and I'm sure she only did that for us!

Ok, maybe not. But then I asked a vendor in a booth how much the hats were, and he told me the outrageous prices, but did so as if to also say, "But really, you don't have to buy a hat to enjoy baseball, am I right? You just enjoy yourself, ok, kiddo?"

Then, of course, when I actually got a beer and some peanuts, I forgot to use my special discount. But sometimes the Universe will send you a sign that says, as simply as the Universe can possibly put it, that you shouldn't make things sound more complicated than they really are.

We are all One.

Yes, that was a real sign.

Oh, and did I mention who they were playing?

That's right. It just got personal.

The D-Backs actually take baseball seriously. They've got a brand-new stadium which, despite the fact that it rains maybe two weeks out of the year in Arizona, was the first ball park to have a retractable roof. I mean, seriously? Like Denver International Airport, it was not built for the stated reason. It couldn't have been. I'm 100% convinced it was built as a defense against an alien invasion.

Bring it on, Nibiru.

Anyways, add to that the realization that the D-Backs might still be a little sore about the fact that the last time they almost made it to the World Series, they were shut out by the Rockies. That's the sort of thing you don't forget.

When we arrived, we were down 5-1 in the top of the fifth. But because the Rockies never give up, two innings later, the score was 7-6. They pretty much did give up in the ninth, eventually losing by five points. BUT, the best moment was right after the Rockies had their best inning, with three runs to close the gap, and you could see the D-Backs begin to sweat.

And that was worth the price of admission.

For a moment, right as they closed the gap in the bottom of the 7th, as the D-Back cycled through their third pitcher, they were sweating bullets. That felt good to see. This was a really fun game to watch.

Also fun to watch: kids everywhere in the stadium dancing to ACDC's "You Shook Me All Night Long." It's as if they are all thinking, "Oh! A song about shaking! I like shaking!" #awkward

It's this sort of failure that actually makes life really, really interesting. Who really wants things to work out every time? Think about it. In baseball, a "perfect game" is a game where nothing technically happens in the top or bottom of every inning. It's a recipe for agonizing boredom.

Take for instance the mission DJ Plato and I set out on as we left the ballpark that night: to find a good root beer. That's all we wanted to do.

Plato told me about an awesome retro soda and candy shop, so we headed over to check it out.

But like small children, it unfortunately has a bed time.

Fail #1: it was closed. But on the upside, I actually still have my entire week's pay to spend, which I most certainly would have completely spent had this magical kingdom been open. Actually, I probably shouldn't be allowed into a shop like this.

Fail #2: finding a bar that has root beer is surprisingly difficult. We did find a cool pool hall called Tarantula Billiards, though. I couldn't figure out if it was a hipster dive bar, on account of all the coffee-shop art, chalkboard, and PBR advertising, or if it was a sports bar. Judging by all of the random flags, I might have expected this to be the spot to watch the World Cup.

We checked Google. We're pretty sure some of these are made up.

It turns out that the flags represent every country the owner has been to. It's a neat little bar, even if it could benefit from having some root beer.

Fail #3: when finding root beer is impossible, finding a bathroom proves to be just as difficult. We visited three 7-Elevens downtown, and none of them have bathrooms. However, I took pleasure in recognizing the dozens of ways in which all of these 7-11's are doing it wrong.

I'm used to having corporate breathe down our necks over piddly things, but these stores are just not getting it at all. None of the product placement makes any sense, they aren't clean, and none of the staff seems to care.

I know that downtown is a different ball game (no pun intended), but geez. Take some pride in your store.

And that's my point. Even when I'm failing, I'm winning. Always. It's not a measurable place or time, it's a point of view.

Freezing: The Part of Winter My Inner Child Ignores

I do love me some snow, no doubt about it. But there are a few things about winter that my romanticized childhood memories have left out.

I associate snow with becoming a man.

I made my first real money shoveling snow. My friends and I even got paid $120 to remove a very large mound of snow that had accumulated in front of a pizzaria from half a season's worth of snow plowing. We got sushi with the money, because that's what you do when you make that much money when you're 11.

So naturally, when it snows, my inner child looks like this:

X-Box? Is that like a square igloo? I'm totally down.

Except, now that I have a real job, the reality is more like this:

Hey, that's cool. I'll just walk from here.

Oh well, we can't be kids forever. Would that we could.

But now that I have a space heater, some new coats and brand new wind sheild wipers, I think I'm gonna kick this winter's ass and take some names while I'm at it.

I've pretty much learned that this cold snap we just had was literally the worst they've ever seen, so I guess it's all up hill from here (unless it gets worse, of course).

The high was -2 one of those days. THE HIGH. I rest my case.

As for how I'm feeling personally, I'm anxiously waiting for the year to end. Much of my energy has been going into a job for which I'm worried the opportunities are thinning out.

It's not to say that I don't see a future with the movie theater, or that I can't be happy where I'm at. But I can't keep devoting so much of my personal and creative energy at a job that has grown, at times, frustrating and boring. Ok, maybe not boring. Let's say: unsatisfying.

However, I cleaned out my wallet tonight and found a very old piece of receipt paper with words written on the front and back. It must have been from a customer from 7-11 back in Tucson, but I cannot remember for the life of me who it was. Let's blame the deep freeze. It's ok, we can do that.

It says:

"Affirmation. Positive self-talk. I am talented, bright and creative and have a lot to offer. I am already thinking of new projects and creations. I am grateful for all the good that has come my way. If you want to be miserable, focus on your own happiness. If you want to be happy, focus on the happiness of others." 

Thank you, random customer whose name I don't remember and whose conversation I can't recall. That was just what I needed.

Olde Town Arvada Is Awesome

Olde Town Arvada is the perfect example of why I started this blog. There is so much to see and do in the Denver Metro area, that I just have to journal about it. Seriously, y'all are missing out.

McIlvoy House sits at the south end of McIlvoy Park in the Historic District of Olde Town Arvada. The land was donated to the City of Arvada in 1916 by Clemency McIlvoy for use as a park. When a tree branch fell on the McIlvoy house, instead of getting rid of the tree completely, someone had the novel idea of carving a statue of her in the wood instead.

That's what Arvada is like. They don't get rid of the past when it gets run down and weathered, they restore it in often creative and nifty ways.

Nancy Young, of SaveArvadaNow, is fighting to keep it that way. She was generous enough to give me a tour of downtown, telling me so many interesting stories about its history. I saw all of the homes, many of them over a century old, most of which are restored to its original look. And the view from Grandview east of Old Wadsworth is breathtaking. 

And yet what brought me to this place is a story I'm researching, the depths of which I still have yet to fully fathom. The story is Transportation-oriented Development (TOD), and it is the reason why this sort of novel approach to restoring the past may itself become a thing of the past.

TOD is the practice of building high-density housing in close proximity to public transit. Arvada leadership is pursuing, rather aggressively, high-density housing structures in preparation for The Gold Line - the arm of RTD's Fastracks lightrail plan that will pass through Arvada. Arvada leadership is tripping over itself to make way for these developments, and they couldn't be happier to accomadate the developers.

I wrote a short article about two months ago, knowing that a full investigation of the greater scope of the issue would take weeks, if not months. And it has. Partly because I've been so busy with the newsletter and with work, but also because every new discovery I make uncovers another disgusting layer of the story.

I'm learning so much about municipal politics, and after looking at the systems in place for appraisal, zoning, dirty little tricks like tax-increment financing (TIF) and many others, I've come to the conclusion that no one's flying the plane. No one has a clue how cities work, and the ones who stand to gain like it that way. It's how they get away with murder.

In some cases, if they want your property, they can just declare it 'blighted' and you're screwed. After that, your home is of no more use to you than undocumented 'illegal' dwellings in Africa, homes which also cannot be mortgaged to pay for a startup because they have no 'legal' value.

In other cases, as one appraiser friend has already said is all too common, your house could burn down, and if the land it sits on is zoned differently (i.e. your house was only 'legal' because it was grandfathered in), then there's a strong chance the city won't let you rebuild unless you build an apartment complex. Yeah, it's pretty messed up.

But even if you get past the stench of cronyism and corruption like this, that still leaves the question that is perhaps even more vexing than this cesspool of municipal dealings: what makes a city great? Is it the density? Mobility? Quality of life? Character?

I could write a book and still not answer that question, but I'm starting to see that it's a question we're all going to need to start thinking more about, and soon, lest we allow careerist politicians and opportunistic developers run roughshod over our neighborhoods.

But even if it was for a good cause - and no one's saying development is always bad - what breaks my heart the most is how casually these progressives in Arvada's City Council and Urban Renewal board talk about 'the future', at the expense of the past.

There is a right way to do TOD. Then there is the wrong way.

Fortunately, Nancy has found a strategy that may actually work, and it involves saving the Masonic Lodge from being destroyed.

Because the Masonic lodge has historical significance, a review is required by the Colorado Historic Society before it can happen. To make a long story short, the process may delay developers to the point their contractors may drop out, and they might not even be able meet the deadline required to be operational when the Gold Line is finished. So they super-duper want this process to end soon (and in their favor).

Oh, and did I mention the government shut down the other day? Yeah, that might take a while. :)

Stories, stories, stories

You may have noticed that I haven't posted in over a month. Sorry about that.

I don't have any pics or news to share, except that I finally seem to be out of the weeds financially (or will be in a week), and the second newsletter just went out, of which I am now officially the editor. 

Couple of cute stories should tide y'all over, though....

1. Co-worker at the movie theater tells me of a phone call he received from a guy who was thinking of seeing a movie, but only if a certain girl (we'll call her Sam) was going to be his server. He had a crush on her, he admitted. Then, an hour later, a man and his little boy come in, but the man stops in the doorway to the theater, directing the boy to the counter to ask for the guy he spoke to on the phone. It seems it was the little boy who had the crush on Sam, and he came to deliver her a present. It was a plastic bag with two Rockstars and three bars of chocolate, with a paper taped to the side that said, "I love you, Sam."

2. Man comes in with his kid and asks about the age policy. I tell him that kids need to be 6 years old and up, unless it's a kids movie, in which case 3 and up. Babies can come only on Baby Day. He leaves, then comes back 20 minutes later, saying, "Two Adults and a kid for the Grease Sing-A-Long." I ask him how old his daughter was, and he says she just had her sixth birthday. Being that it was super busy and I didn't remember what the kid looked like, and she wasn't in front of me, I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I later discovered that she was 3.

So a manager later asks me to get a number for a taxi ready, as she was planning to offer to call one for a man who had several martinis and seemed intoxicated. I found out it was the same guy when he started yelling at the manager, saying he had been harassed ever since he walked in. Then he started in with legal jargon, saying that the age policy was not handed to him in literature form, and that he could sue us. He also threatened us by saying that he was with a local news station (I won't say which one). Nevermind that our age policy is on the website, the marquee, and it was explained to him BY ME. And the fact that he straight up lied about his child's age to get around said policy.

But all that stuff was the tip of the iceberg, because after he left, no less than five seperate customers came up to us and offered to give us their emails, in the event that they may be needed to testify on our behalf that the guy was actually just a jerk. It was then that I found out that he had actually been very disruptive, broke a glass and let his kid walk on it, demeaned our servers for laughs, and the only reason he didn't get kicked out was because no one complained until late into the movie.

Oh, and he got into the car drunk with his kid, and drove away. We got the license plate and called the cops. All in a day's work.

3. A little over a month after I give up energy drinks, Monster comes out with a line of Monster Milk energy protein shakes. And I wept.

Turning the Corner...

The time has come to get a place of my own, and I have found the perfect one. It is in a great location (for me) and in a good neighborhood. In fact, there are one-million dollar homes a block away. It's also in my price range, with everything paid except electric.

The only issue is that it's not available until the 20th of August, and I need a place on the 1st. So I'm currently looking for a temporary roommate or sublet situation to float me for three weeks.

Also, I've been unofficially promoted at the movie theater!

On Tuesday, I begin my training in the box office downstairs. This is cool for many reasons, but the short end of it is: more money!

The box office at the Alamo is very different than at other movie theaters. For one, customers pick the seats they will be sitting in at the box office, and it is the first stop for newcomers who don't know how dine-in movie theaters work. They are understandably confused to realize we do not have a concession stand, and sometimes find it difficult to grasp the concept of being served food in a dark theater.

But most importantly, there is a tap wall. There are 32 beers on tap in box office, and people can order a beer to take into the theater, or while they are waiting for it to begin seating.

So while I'm still making what I've been making, I also have the opportunity to make tips. It is a highly coveted position for that reason. Not as highly desired as Glass Half Full (the actual bar, which is right behind box office), but I am one step closer to that as well. In fact, I was actually asked to open the bar today because the opener had a family emergency. I didn't serve anyone, but I still count that as a victory.

And speaking of victories, the first issue of the newsletter I will be running for the Libertarian Party of Colorado has been published. I'm still uncertain what the response has been, because I don't yet have access to the analytics, but I'm proud of it nonetheless.

The articles I wrote for that issue (all but one) were, with one exception, merely update-type articles. The one I'm most proud of was a short commentary on the DOMA decision. I will get to write more like this, which is more my cup of tea.

I will be writing news articles too, though. In fact, there are too many big stories going on to write about and I would need much more time to write them all. For example, I'm currently writing a feature about a fairly epic land giveaway going on in Arvada - the first of many eminent domain abuse stories I'll be covering.

I don't really have a journalism background, despite having once written some news articles for the U of A student newspaper. This will be largely a new experience for me, and it feels like the big leagues. There are some serious abuses of power going on in the Metro area and around Colorado, and I don't take it lightly that I have an opportunity to do some good by writing about it.

And for once, I have an opportunity to write stuff that matters for an audience who will read it. And that is just the beginning. I have big ideas and a vision for where to take this newsletter. I want it to be the standard for all LP affiliates in every state. I want them to look at our newsletter and seek to emulate its content.

That's my goal, anyway. I'm no fool, though. Rome wasn't built in a day, and I'm not so arrogant as to think I can achieve this at all, but it doesn't hurt to try.

This all has me feeling both humbled by the realization of how much worse things could be for me, but also proud of how far I've come in three months by just busting my ass and keeping my mouth shut.

Not that I've had much to complain about, other than the usual pressure to pay bills and such. But I'm no longer in survival mode. I've begun to once again reevaluate my short and long term goals, and my soul and mind are being eased by each little ounce of clarity and certainty that life grants me.

Whatever happens, I know that I'm happier now than I ever have been in my life. I'm happy with who I've become, and I'm not as easily crushed by failure. I expect nothing to be easy, and so I'm relieved if and when it turns out that way. I prepare as best as I can, not so that I can remain stuck working pay check to pay check, but so that I can move forward.

I plan to restore my credit and refinance my truck, which I will be able to do in a year (maybe sooner). With that money, I can buy video equipment and start working on video projects again, but from a stronger, more stable position. I also plan to make another serious go at my documentary.

All in due time.

Independence Day Weekend Adventures

This post is a bit delayed because I've been super busy. I had to share my adventures last weekend, though, and they're just as rad as the Memorial Day excursion to Colorado Springs.

When everyone around me was getting four-day weekends, I thought I was going to work all the way through it. But I somehow managed to get Friday off, and so Heather and I made a trip up to Estes Park.

We saw the Stanley Hotel, which was used as the famous Overlook Hotel in The Shining. 

If Heather were more of a horror movie person, she might have appreciated the magic of this event. They even had a Jack Nicholson impersonator to greet everyone at the door.

Coming Soon:
Immortal Mallard

There was no maze like in the movie, but there was a garden with a waterfall in the back. And we found the most bad-ass ducks we've ever seen. They're so metal.

The main strip of stores in downtown Estes is very quaint, and was super busy, no doubt because of the holiday weekend. We ate dinner at Wapiti Bar and Grill, where we were served by the most endearingly awkward guy in the world.

And we just had to stop in at the Spruce House. It's a Christmas store. Yeah, I know.

Actually, I just wanted to see if they had egg nog. They do not, but they did have a duck ornament, though, and I only bought it on the condition that the lovely lady working the register sign and date the back of it. I'm sentimental that way.

We took the scenic route back, and stopped at Hidden Valley. It was originally used by a logging company and by locals who skied on tracks left by the loggers in winter. It became a full-scale ski resort for a few decades until it was decided that even a snow-making machine couldn't keep the place open for a whole season. There's a ranger's station, though, and there are several trails for hiking. 

I super needed coffee, so on the way back through Boulder, we checked out the coffee shops that Heather was fond of, but found they were all closed. So instead, we decided to hit up Pearl Street (for my friends back in Tucson, Pearl Street is what Fourth Avenue wants to be when it grows up).

Pearl Street is one of the most bizarre anthropological enigmas which I still can't wrap my head around. A struggling artist playing his heart out on a street corner is a bit odd to see when he is ten feet from a store that sells $30 bottles of shampoo. In short, Pearl Street is Yuppie Mecca.

The highlight was definitely Cooper and Harper, two kids who couldn't be more than 14 and 12. One played the violin and the other played the guitar, and every so often they would switch. True wunderkinds.

I'm with Heather when it comes to Boulder on the whole. It is beautiful and rich with culture, and some of its city planning ideas are very neat, but it's a bit too granola for me. I love coffee, but I don't need to be spending $25 on it. Call me cheap, I guess. Something about the "culture" of Boulder just doesn't smell right to me. But nothing spells it out quite nicely enough as visiting a city with a smug, conservation consciousness, despite having sculptures with built-in waterfalls.